My Perfect Bedtime Routine

Everyone says having a bedtime routine is important.

Apparently it helps you sleep better.

As someone who is extremely responsible, I decided to create the perfect evening routine.

I even wrote it down.

Step One: Put on comfy hoodie.

Step Two: Drink hot chocolate.

Step Three: Read one chapter.

Step Four: Brush teeth.

Step Five: Go to sleep.

Simple.

Elegant.

Very grown-up.

Maria looked at my list.

“I'm actually quite impressed.”

That should have been my first warning.

☕ Step One... Hot Chocolate

Obviously bedtime begins with hot chocolate.

Not just any hot chocolate.

Mine.

Extra marshmallows.

Extra whipped cream.

Extra chocolate flakes.

Extra caramel.

Extra chocolate buttons.

Extra...

Maria quietly removed the spoon.

“Pip.”

“What?”

“You're making pudding.”

Personally...

I think that's quitter talk.

📖 Just One Chapter

The next step was reading.

Only one chapter.

That's what responsible dragons do.

One chapter.

I opened my book.

Twenty minutes later...

I reached the end of the chapter.

Well...

You can't stop at the end of a chapter.

That would be ridiculous.

They literally end with questions.

It's practically illegal.

So...

One more.

🛏️ Definitely Going to Bed

Several chapters later I glanced at the clock.

“Oh.”

Slightly later than expected.

Maria walked past my bedroom.

“Pip... are you still awake?”

“No.”

“You answered.”

“...sleep talking.”

She wasn't convinced.

🍪 The Emergency Snack

Reading makes you hungry.

Science.

So I quietly tiptoed downstairs.

Very quietly.

Except for accidentally knocking over...

Three bookmarks.

One cushion.

A spoon.

And myself.

I finally reached the kitchen.

Mission accomplished.

One biscuit.

Then another.

Then...

Well...

Packets don't reseal themselves.

🪥 The Toothbrush Situation

Eventually I climbed back upstairs.

Hot chocolate finished.

Book... nearly finished.

Biscuits definitely finished.

I snuggled under the blanket.

Closed my eyes.

Took one deep breath...

Then suddenly remembered...

I hadn't brushed my teeth.

Back downstairs.

Again.

Maria found me brushing my teeth while still holding my book.

She sighed.

“I'm not even going to ask.”

Probably wise.

🌅 A Tiny Scheduling Error

At long last...

I climbed back into bed.

Blanket.

Pillow.

Book closed.

Teeth brushed.

Everything was perfect.

The birds started singing.

I smiled.

“That's nice.”

Maria walked into the room carrying her morning tea.

“So...”

“How did your bedtime routine go?”

“Perfect,” I said proudly.

She looked at me.

Then at the clock.

Then back at me.

“Pip...”

“What?”

“It's 4:17 in the morning.”

I blinked.

Looked out of the window.

The sun was beginning to rise.

“Well...”

I thought about this very carefully.

Then I smiled.

“Technically...”

“It's still part of my night-time routine.”

Maria closed her eyes for a moment.

“I don't think that's how bedtime works.”

“I respectfully disagree.”