My Completely Unbiased Guide to Dragon-Friendly Fantasy Books

People keep asking me for fantasy book recommendations.

Apparently, because I'm a dragon, people assume I know what I'm talking about.

They're absolutely right.

Now...

Some people think books should be judged by things like...

“The writing.”

“The plot.”

“Character development.”

Very sensible.

Very boring.

I have created a much more scientific rating system.

Every fantasy book is judged using four important categories.

Nothing else matters.

🐉 Dragons

Maximum Score: 10 Dragon Scales

Let's start with the obvious.

Does the book have dragons?

If yes...

Excellent.

If there are lots of dragons...

Even better.

If the dragon survives until the end...

Automatic bonus points.

If there aren't any dragons...

I'm prepared to overlook this.

Reluctantly.

As long as there is a very grumpy magical creature who clearly wishes they were a dragon.

📚 Libraries

Maximum Score: 10 Dusty Bookshelves

Every good fantasy story needs an impressive library.

The bigger the library...

The higher the score.

Secret libraries?

Outstanding.

Hidden libraries?

Even better.

Ancient magical libraries where opening the wrong book might accidentally summon an immortal wizard?

Five extra points.

Honestly...

If nobody whispers, “We're not supposed to be in here...”

Is it even fantasy?

🍪 Snacks

Maximum Score: 10 Crumbs

Fantasy characters rarely stop to eat.

This concerns me.

You've been travelling for six days.

You've fought a dragon.

You've crossed three kingdoms.

And somehow...

Nobody has packed biscuits.

Unacceptable.

I award bonus points for:

Fresh bread.

Sticky buns.

Apple pie.

Cookies.

Mystery tavern stew.

Any mention of cheese.

Negative points if the characters survive entirely on determination.

Determination isn't a snack.

☕ Hot Chocolate Potential

Maximum Score: 10 Marshmallows

This is perhaps the most important category.

Could I enjoy this book while wrapped in a blanket with an enormous mug of hot chocolate?

If yes...

Maximum points.

If the book makes me refill my mug three times because I can't stop reading...

That's what professionals call...

A masterpiece.

📖 Official Dragon Ratings

After adding everything together, books receive one of the following awards:

🐉 0–10 Points
Needs more dragons.

🐉🐉 11–20 Points
Acceptable.
Still suspiciously lacking in marshmallows.

🐉🐉🐉 21–30 Points
Excellent bedtime reading.
Provided bedtime is only a suggestion.

🐉🐉🐉🐉 31–39 Points
Prepare emotional support snacks.
You won't be sleeping tonight.

🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉 40 Points
Perfection.
Cancel your plans.
Tell your family you love them.
I'll see you in approximately three business days.

🧁 Bonus Points

Some books earn bonus marks for special achievements.

⭐ Features a sarcastic magical creature.

⭐ Has maps at the front.

⭐ Includes morally grey characters who definitely need therapy.

⭐ Makes me laugh out loud.

⭐ Makes me cry.

⭐ Makes me laugh while I'm crying.

Those last ones are very clever.

I'm still slightly annoyed.